MLS All-Star Hotties

I've been quite bored since the end of the World Cup. Euro leagues are off-season and my MLS hometown team has been sucking ass (although this article reminds me of the love I used to have for DC United.) I have taken up playing soccer several days a week with a group of Peruvians who play indoors on Monday and a group of Bolivians (and a very hilarious Argentine) who play Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays. We have a game against some Mesoamericans this Sunday morning if anyone is bored. So now I'm watching the MLS all-star team struggle against

Manchester United, one of my least favorite teams in the EPL. I haven't kept up with these guys in a while and I'm noticing that a lot of them are MUCH sexier than the MLS's so called "greatest

player" a.k.a. Receding Hairline I'm a D-bag Donovan.

So here's my list of faves... (in no particular order)

1. Juan Pablo Angel

His name is mad sexy and this Columbian forward has been about 2 inches short of scoring like 3 times during this All-Star game. Is he 2 inches short elsewhere? Quien sabe? Quien quiere saber??

2. Heath Pearce

What a SWM should look like.

3. Jaime Moreno

Sorry, this picture was fucking hilarious. Jaime has terrible taste in clothes and hair gel, but I still love him.

My Honorary Bolivian Heart belongs to this man. Ever since I was 8 years old, I have been the biggest fan and the several times in my life we had crossed paths, he has been so gracious. Oh, and he has HOT tattoos. I will always luv u, Jaime, even if you're from Santacruz!!

4. Brian Ching

God knows why he was left off the US World Cup roster.

HEY HE JUST SCORED!!! The only goal in this terrible game...

and finally...

5. Guillermo Schelotto

This almost 40 (37) year old is kind of what I imagine when I think of my future Argentinian husband. A 10 year Boca player, he has spent the last few years on the Columbus Crew. I can just imagine how hot his accent is... and he has aged better than the best bottle of Malbec~

God, I miss you Argentina.

Honorable Mentions...

Omar Gonzalez of the L.A. Galaxy

Kevin Alston of New England

Wilman Conde of Chicago Fire

Goldilocks

How did kickette miss this torso??? And I don't even like blonds.

Does anyone even want to watch the final?? I'm watching both of them, obviously. Good luck, goldilocks. And for the final... well, Spain fans are obnoxious. Dutch people are racist. Like my generalizations?

Don't want to talk about that b.s. game...

The last 3 days have been tough... here's Roque who makes me feel better.

Argentina v. germany

minute 4: wtf just happened? oh my god, argentina, you're screwed.

they're not letting messi breathe. the swine is on him.

get demi out of there. he's not good enough to keep out the polacs.

poor romero. he's gonna beat somebody up after the game.

reality check, maradona.

minute 8: close up of higuain. nice.

khedira and podolski... this is dangerous. where the hell is the defense? maybe paraguay does have a better chance against spain... because we actually have a defense...

minute 9: oooh messi touching the ball... oh back to germany.

minute 10: Argentine loses the ball on a simple pass... you don't do that against Germany.

And another bad pass...

minute 11: carlitos fights... can't do it alone. otamendi, yellow card.

minute 13: dangerous corner. i'm terrified of these germans. otamendi still fucking around... he's gonna get a red by the end of it.

minute 15: argentina gets their best chance yet... jesus, maschi going after the swine. will he get a card?? nope. ballack in the stands. AND another bad pass. and another dangerous chance.

minute 16: el apache loses his shoe...

minute 18: Argentina looks like they're playing so much harder for this corner than the germans.

ok this is too stressful. i'm gonna drink coffee and eat my cañoncito from El Patio, the Argentinian Cafe. BYEBYE. GOOD LUCK SOUTH AMERICA!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

OMG, FML

I can't believe Brazil won't be in the final. and now... URUGUAY!! URUGUAY!!! Sorry Africa, as I'm sure you understand, we gotta keep it in the continent!!! And tomorrow... Argentina, and Paraguay!! C'mon guys, we gotta keep it in the FAMMMM!!!!

Also, in the 2nd half, the ref was way off. These refs=firing squad.

In other news, Paraguay plays Spain tomorrow afternoon. Not quite sure how I feel about this yet, but hopefully Paraguay will make me proud. And by "make me proud" I mean...not lose 3-0. It still pains me to watch World Cup coverage because I keep thinking... with a few extra bucks, I would still be there!! So I'm just going to pretend that I am Keisuka Honda and that St. Roque is comforting me in my time of great need.

I LUV U ROQUE