Hottest Goals of the Weekend

Chicharito, diving header for Man U.

Zlatan, backwards bicycle kick for AC Milan.

And another Chelsea loss... fantastic.

Gerrard, You Are God. Crissy, GO HOME.

Today, Gerrard, the one man team, showed us all that Liverpool still has what it takes to come back from the disastershitfuck that was Gillette and Hicks.

I saw Napoli fans with "MARADONA, EL MAS GRANDE" signs... Sorry guys. Get over it. Gerrard es el mas grande. In my eyes, Gerrard is the Titanic captain.

In Champions, AC Milan put up a good fight against the little pricks of Real Madrid. (I still have much love for the deadly Argentinian combo of Higuain and Di Maria.) Inzaghi came in as a sub and scored two goals. I still spent most of the time wondering if PIPPO has lip injections... or if he's at least had some work done. His lip doesn't seem this jacked anymore.

And here's a video of Ronaldo's ridiculous faking during the game... God, somebody ACTUALLY hurt him already. EUFA is on youtube's nuts for copyright stuff. This video was posted 20 minutes ago and might be gone by tomorrow.

Hot Managers

A bit more seasoned, regardless of less grey hair...

And the AC Milan suit is just way hotter...

Move over, Guardiola. Massimiliano Allegri is the hottest manager of the Champion's.

Also, Italian Catholic>Spanish Catholic any day.

I Wish All Men Looked Like This in Court

Andy Carroll con su carita de inocente...

He scored the winning goal on Saturday v. West Ham.

Thoughts on the Man City v. Arsenal game?

Captain of Ajax...

Sergio Aguero's Flashy New Haircut...

drool

ALSO...

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/bar/1965416565.html

OH MY GOD...

what do I have that he would be willing to trade??

lolz

Go America, La Champions Liga, etc. etc.

GO AMERICA!

American players lookin' good and scoring goals... ok just one.

Tim Howard gets naked for ESPN...

Everton lost this weekend, but HEY, whatever.

szólj hozzá: Blackburn-Fulham 1-1

Clint Dempsey scored a goal in the EPL and it was quite a good one. Blackburn's goal was kind of stupid. Dempsey's goal is at 2:30... I wish he would have played better in the W.C. He just seemed grumpy the whole time.

I know I've posted this pic before... but this is a hot full body shot.

DC United players modeled for Wolf vs. Goat. Quaranta's look was obviously the ~hottest~.

Champion's league, week one

THE GOOD

Benfica wins 2-0 with a goal by the Paraguayan Oscar "Tacuara" Cardozo. I wonder if he has but the World Cup behind him yet...

HIGUAIN scored for Real Madrid.

ZLATAN debuts and scores two goals.

The French teams sucked.

THE BAD

The disgusting Spanish teams dominated week one.

HIGUAIN scored against AJAX,and I still love Suarez.

In other news... I deactivated my FB so hopefully I can spend more time watching and blogging.

I'm also trying to talk Andrew Brown into writing a weekly "I hate Chelsea" piece.

VALDEZ SCORES 2 GOALS v. BARCA!

In Barcelona's first defeat @ home since May, 2009, A PARAGUAYAN, Nelson Haedo Valdes scores a goal in each half against Barcelona.

I think he's saying...

SUCK ON THIS:

Villa

Pique

Puyol

Xavi

...

and SPAIN IN GENERAL.

oh and also...

Messi

just for being an Argentinian.

FUERZA ALBIRROJA!!!

lol

neymar

OH MY GOD

I didn't even realize that Aguero is married to Maradona's daughter...

AND SHE'S NOT THAT HOT!!!! OH MY GOD, what is it with good looking Argentines?? Do they actually believe in "good personalities" or are they just the biggest man whores of all time!!??? I'm afraid I know the answer...

Two South American DILFs

Argentine Sergio Aguero

Uruguayan Luis 'buckteef' Suarez

Mildly disappointed that they're both baby daddies, especially considering Suarez is 23 and Aguero is 22. I am basically infertile at my age in South America. SIGH~

Wait... Really? lolz. Boateng hurt by a drink trolley??

BAAAHAHAHAHAHA.

Brilliant Man City. This is what you get for not bringing Tevez and Roquezinhu to DC. Plus Jerome, you're SO MUCH MORE BORING than your fine, super dickhead bro, El Principe.

In other news...
My idiot brother did this over the weekend to celebrate Arsenal's absolutely ridiculous win over Blackpool.

Man U threw away some "silly points" against Fulham, but whatever, they beat Newcastle (who later crushed A.S. 6-0, ouch) last week and I saw Chicharito's beautiful face in THAT game, so whatever.

Chelsea owned, big surprise there. More importantly in Chelsea news, who's the secret panty cutter?

Oh my god... how could I forget? HOTTEST PLAYER OF THE WEEK.

So Newcastle lost one and they won one. What really matters is that Andy Carroll is REALLY, REALLY hot. AND he has a temper. (for some reason, that's hot to me) He's gotten in trouble several times for stupid bar fights and what not.

ENJOY LADIES.

Remember when...

You were a child and played soccer with all the other little white kids and your team would be up by 6 (or down by 6) and then they would remove one person from the winning team after every goal after the 6th???

Perhaps that's what should be happening right now at this Chelsea v. West Brom game...

I am watching the game in Spanish on what I believe is a Peruvian channel and every time Drogba scores they sing a little song about "El Negro del Chelsea." Luv it.

Mi Querida Selección Nacional...

Another day of international friendlies...

and I couldn't have been happier to see my boys on the field again. Unfortunately, the game wasn't on my shiny HD tv... I had to watch the game on my laptop.

Some screenshots ... this is what I endured to watch this game...

Good thing I missed most of the first half 'cause I missed this ~emotional~ reunion between Cabañas and his teammates. I can't really handle any Salvador related news without wanting to stab myself in the heart, but these pictures do make me a bit happy.

We love you, Mariscal! Had he been there, we would have made the top 4 in South Africa.

This game made we really want to go back to Paraguay... I want to at least go for x-mas, new years, and the epic party month of January.

And the OTHER friendly... Spain v. Mexico

Again, CHICHARITO did not disappoint.

What is it about this kid? This baby face?? Wtf.

Man City's new baby, Silva, scored later in the game to tie it up for Spain. I didn't care too much about this game at first. Instead, I tried to go run laps and kick a ball around with Bernice and we almost passed out in 20 minutes due to heat stroke/our fatasses. Then I came back and was glued to the TV as if to make up for my own lack of physical activity.

Also, props to my Daddy for calling the score of this game!

I never thought getting a Twitter would somehow benefit my love for futbol~

I follow Kaka, Ramos, RioFerdy, and Cristiano, but it's not even the players that entertain me. It's the "FANS." Like Snoop Dogg who is all of a sudden obsessed with Man. U. or Poncho

Herrera freaking about about the Mexico game today via twitter. I love it... Any more players to follow??

This is kind of creepy... I was just looking up Salvador on FB and I found this pic...

Eerily similar to... MY PROFILE PIC!

I know he's married, but perhaps we are meant to be together...

Siempre seras mi cacique~~ TQM Salvador

Happy B'day Zanetti and Sexy Santino...

Zanetti, the hottie with the captain's armband, has resigned with Inter until 2013... I'm glad I made it to the Man. City v. Inter game a few weeks back even though Tevez wasn't there. Zanetti was the player I was most excited to see (OK, besides my personal hero, Materazzi on the right.) I didn't know this, but the soccer blog WATP describes Zanetti as a saint with a foundation for underprivileged kids in Argentina and a legion of devoted fans in both Argentina and Italy. Also... today's his birthday. I'll drink a pint in your honor... FELIZ CUMPLE IL CAPITANI! He had to be a Leo... Also, he makes me desperately miss Argentina. Picture courtesy of Bryan Little!

In other news, DC United's Santino Quaranta was Kickette's Tuesday Torso. I met this boy when I 13 years old and a water girl for DC United, and here he is 8 years later looking THIS DAMN SEXY. His tats are perfect and he's perfect. Too bad he has a baby mamma that he knocked up when he was 19... oh well... not actually perfect. CONGRATS DC... the MLS team getting the most attention from Kickette without any major signings... (lookin @ u Redbulls.)

I'm currently watching the Brazil v. USA friendly... It's halftime and I'm quite bored. Until people in the States start playing soccer recreationally, we're never going to dominate/have any sort of style. Even I've been playing soccer for fun recently. More on that later... The most interesting part thus far has been the foul on T. Howard in the 32nd minute...

Anyways, OFF TO BAILEY'S...

Cheers.

Does my heart belong to Mexico?

I've been craving Mexican food all day... and after the replay of Man U v. Chelsea (and hanging out with two Mexicans all day) I realized the message God was trying to send me. I love Mexicans. More specifically, I love El Chicharito. The game against Chelsea was a brilliant follow up to that Chivas v. Man U game where scored in the first half for Chivas. Sure his goal late in the game was a f*cked up attempt at a shot that then hit him in the face... but then it rebounded into the goal. Honestly, it wasn't even the goal that made the game. It was that HOT pass in the 52nd minute. That was it. It killed me. I was like... wow, I love this little Mexican kid with a bad case of GayFace.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_5PA8DzTek

Watch his performance and enjoy watching him play this upcoming season.

Plus... this baby face is growing on me! I remember watching him warm up on th e sidelines like 100 feet away from us at the Uruguay v. Mexico game and just thinking... "would I?" The answer is a definitive ~si se puede.~

MLS All-Star Hotties

I've been quite bored since the end of the World Cup. Euro leagues are off-season and my MLS hometown team has been sucking ass (although this article reminds me of the love I used to have for DC United.) I have taken up playing soccer several days a week with a group of Peruvians who play indoors on Monday and a group of Bolivians (and a very hilarious Argentine) who play Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays. We have a game against some Mesoamericans this Sunday morning if anyone is bored. So now I'm watching the MLS all-star team struggle against

Manchester United, one of my least favorite teams in the EPL. I haven't kept up with these guys in a while and I'm noticing that a lot of them are MUCH sexier than the MLS's so called "greatest

player" a.k.a. Receding Hairline I'm a D-bag Donovan.

So here's my list of faves... (in no particular order)

1. Juan Pablo Angel

His name is mad sexy and this Columbian forward has been about 2 inches short of scoring like 3 times during this All-Star game. Is he 2 inches short elsewhere? Quien sabe? Quien quiere saber??

2. Heath Pearce

What a SWM should look like.

3. Jaime Moreno

Sorry, this picture was fucking hilarious. Jaime has terrible taste in clothes and hair gel, but I still love him.

My Honorary Bolivian Heart belongs to this man. Ever since I was 8 years old, I have been the biggest fan and the several times in my life we had crossed paths, he has been so gracious. Oh, and he has HOT tattoos. I will always luv u, Jaime, even if you're from Santacruz!!

4. Brian Ching

God knows why he was left off the US World Cup roster.

HEY HE JUST SCORED!!! The only goal in this terrible game...

and finally...

5. Guillermo Schelotto

This almost 40 (37) year old is kind of what I imagine when I think of my future Argentinian husband. A 10 year Boca player, he has spent the last few years on the Columbus Crew. I can just imagine how hot his accent is... and he has aged better than the best bottle of Malbec~

God, I miss you Argentina.

Honorable Mentions...

Omar Gonzalez of the L.A. Galaxy

Kevin Alston of New England

Wilman Conde of Chicago Fire

Goldilocks

How did kickette miss this torso??? And I don't even like blonds.

Does anyone even want to watch the final?? I'm watching both of them, obviously. Good luck, goldilocks. And for the final... well, Spain fans are obnoxious. Dutch people are racist. Like my generalizations?

Don't want to talk about that b.s. game...

The last 3 days have been tough... here's Roque who makes me feel better.

Argentina v. germany

minute 4: wtf just happened? oh my god, argentina, you're screwed.

they're not letting messi breathe. the swine is on him.

get demi out of there. he's not good enough to keep out the polacs.

poor romero. he's gonna beat somebody up after the game.

reality check, maradona.

minute 8: close up of higuain. nice.

khedira and podolski... this is dangerous. where the hell is the defense? maybe paraguay does have a better chance against spain... because we actually have a defense...

minute 9: oooh messi touching the ball... oh back to germany.

minute 10: Argentine loses the ball on a simple pass... you don't do that against Germany.

And another bad pass...

minute 11: carlitos fights... can't do it alone. otamendi, yellow card.

minute 13: dangerous corner. i'm terrified of these germans. otamendi still fucking around... he's gonna get a red by the end of it.

minute 15: argentina gets their best chance yet... jesus, maschi going after the swine. will he get a card?? nope. ballack in the stands. AND another bad pass. and another dangerous chance.

minute 16: el apache loses his shoe...

minute 18: Argentina looks like they're playing so much harder for this corner than the germans.

ok this is too stressful. i'm gonna drink coffee and eat my cañoncito from El Patio, the Argentinian Cafe. BYEBYE. GOOD LUCK SOUTH AMERICA!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

OMG, FML

I can't believe Brazil won't be in the final. and now... URUGUAY!! URUGUAY!!! Sorry Africa, as I'm sure you understand, we gotta keep it in the continent!!! And tomorrow... Argentina, and Paraguay!! C'mon guys, we gotta keep it in the FAMMMM!!!!

Also, in the 2nd half, the ref was way off. These refs=firing squad.

In other news, Paraguay plays Spain tomorrow afternoon. Not quite sure how I feel about this yet, but hopefully Paraguay will make me proud. And by "make me proud" I mean...not lose 3-0. It still pains me to watch World Cup coverage because I keep thinking... with a few extra bucks, I would still be there!! So I'm just going to pretend that I am Keisuka Honda and that St. Roque is comforting me in my time of great need.

I LUV U ROQUE

I am...

depressed to be back. Even standing in line with the "US Citizens" and their cargo shorts and their horrible hick accents, I wanted to cry. ughhhhh

Thankfully, I have pictures of Paraguay's practice today in Balgowan to keep me happy. The boys look so happy to be there and the picture of Roque's cleats with his kiddies names on them... that's awesome.

http://www.fifa.com/worldcup/teams/team=43928/photo/126/193/4/picture.html#1261925

Lookin good, albirroja!

I also have been googling pictures of Luiz Suarez who I think might be one of my top 5 hottest world cup players. That's just what a man should look like. SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH.

Gotta get back to South America...ASAP. Funny, all my cousins wanna come here and all I wanna do is get back to Argentina/Uruguay/even Chile cause the Chilean fans were so cute.

NOOOOOOOOO, Goodbye South Africa.

I'm sitting at the Joburg airport right now sad as can be because I won't be here for the Paraguay v. Japan game on Tuesday. I tried to extend my stay until Wednesday, but it would have cost me $800 bucks... SOOoooo I decided to spend like 100 of that on gifts and the rest of it on booze in Arlington.

wow... some italian team (rugby maybe?) just walked by... good god. italy, you suck, but you are all soooo fine.

This picture summarizes how I feel about South Africa.

Also, England got robbed of a goal that would have led to Germany's demise. BULLLLLLLSSHIIIIITTT. BULLLLLLSHIT....

So who's gonna win? Mexico or Argentina?? I supposed I should ask "who do you hate more?? Mexico or Argentina??"

PEE-PEEinaar

You can't see shit cause Nelson can't use a camera, but that's me and Peinaar's WAG. He was too big of a bitch to take a picture with us cause he's ASHAMED. What a fooooooooooool.

In other news... Congrats to Uruguay!! Sorry Korea... you know I have a special place for you in my corazon~

Dear Bill Clinton,

I saw you on the screen at the USa v. Algeria game. I wish I was sitting with you in the box. I wish I was sitting with you not only because I want to be close to you, but because the American fans are so annoying, they don't know how to watch a football match. They stand up the entire time as if this is some act of devotion, when in reality it's just noobish. SIT. DOWN! The kiddies can't see! The short people can't see! It's just rude! See how the rest of the stadium is sitting? See how people are sitting at every other game? As the Englishwoman said to me as we waited for the pisser, "They're new to the game." SIIIIIGH.

But hey, it was the most exciting game I've been to thus far and the first one where someone actually got eliminated. It was absolutely heartbreaking to see the Algeria fans after the game and for a moment I felt like crying. They put up a great fight, but the US was robbed of another goal AND Donovan scored in 90+. Oh well, they still managed to knock out Egypt!

So today we head to Polokwane to see Paraguay's last 1st round game v. New Zealand. We're 30 minutes late leaving, guess why. Should be an easy one... I hope!

So La Gata Fina's Sexy Man of Yesterday...

Tim Cahill, the Aussie who pays for Everton.

His arm tattoo supposedly honoring his Samoan heritage... is sexy. His tan skin is so sexy. The fact that he saved Ghana's chances by scoring against Serbia, also very sexy. Silencing his critics through football and not catty words (a la Crissy,) also very sexy. Apparently he has a tattoo in honor of his brother in prison... so I'm sure sexiness runs in the fam. lolz, jk!

Off to Polokwane for Paraguay v. Kiwis!!

Imagine 30,000 people calling you "puto..."

In my heart, they were saying it to Nelson, but in reality, they were saying it to the Uruguayan goalie. I went to the Mexico v. Uruguay game yesterday in Rustenburg and wow, it was crazy. The stadium was PACKED with Mexicans, literally packed. I would say at least 12k were Mexican, a whole bunch of Bufana fans, and a small section of Uruguayans. The game was intense, with the outcome of the match deciding Bufana's chances. The Mexicans really do believe in the power of the 12th because they were shouting the whoooole time with 'mexico!!mexico!!' singing 'cielito lindo' or shouting 'EEEEEEEEEEEHHH PUTOOO!!' everytime Uruguay's keeper had a goal kick. The bad karma led to Uruguay's goal, but unfortunately for Bufana (who beat the "disgraced French heroes" 2-1) it wasn't enough. Apparently the French got sent back to France right after the game on the shittiest plane they could find. lolz

The game was great because the two times Bufana scored a goal, 1/3 of the stadium got up and danced. South Africans know how to enjoy the World Cup even though their team didn't make it to 2nd round.

Domenech, the French manager, showed how big of D'bags the French truly are by not shaking hands with Carlos P., S.A.'s manager. Yeah, some of the French apologized, but to their "fans" and not the world for being the world's reigning Ds.

I forgot to comment on Crissy 'greasy chicken' Ronaldo and their 7-0 on N.K. That was the first live game transmitted in N.K. and they saw their team get brutalized. Spain, also a good game against Honduras. I of course was cheering for Honduras, which I know was futile, but watching Villa miss the penalty in attempts for a greedy hat trick, well that was a win in itself.

No pics from Joburg yet, but I have already met some great people that I plan to chill with before Sunday. That is of course if Nelson doesn't launch another attack on my 'joda' here in South Africa.

and here...

La Gata Fina's Sexiest Player of the Last few Days is...

Mark Gonzales, the 22 year old Chilean known as "Speedy" or probably "Ehspeedy"

With sexy brows and a hint of Roque, Mark comes close to being my dream man.
Also, the Chilean team is very sexy all around. I had forgotten about them, but they're South American, they're hot, and well, they've gotten kind of lucky in this W.C.

And now... off to USA v. Algeria!!

Pictures of the Slovakia game

Me, some Slovakia fans, and my panza.

The section I was in for the first goal...

posting pictures on blogger is too much effort...

In other news... LAST NIGHT, REGGIE BUSH WAS AT OUR SAME BAR. I totally wussed out and didn't ask him what KK is like, but I was ABOUT TO. omgomgomgomg he's kinda a douche but I can understand man, all the American guys were like omgomgomgomgomg and I was like...OMG IT'S THE KIM KARDASHIAN GUY!!! These South African guys were like GOOO TALK TO HIM and I was about to but then I realized me offering USA v. Algeria tickets wouldn't have been any good since he probably has the best seats in the house. MAAAAN it was nuts!

Celeb spotting in South Africa!!

Paraguay 2 - Slovakia 0

Amazing game. Awesome time. Awesome people, even the Slovakia fans! Thanks to Miro P. for sneaking me into the bottom tier so I could be with the Pilsen guys... that was great.

Tomorrow... Joburg!

Yesterday, I pet a leopard...

And I may have secured myself a ticket to Argentina v. Greece!!! So happeeeee, it better work out, or Kyri Kambanis is gonna be in trouble.

The leopard wouldn't lick me though. I was pissed. I got REJECTED by a leopard. But on the plus side, it didn't bit my hand off. I bet a BABY LION TOO. It was sooo cute, omg. The "African wild dogs" were obviously the cutest though...

Here are some pics...

The cutest lil wild dog ever!

The baby leopard that wouldn't lick me.

The WHITE LION. Tego Calderon!!!

And my favorite wild animal at the park... Queenie, the Welsh Corgi.

So last night, we went out with the Paraguayos, and it wasn't bad. We met some good people and some bad (which I'll explain later) but overall, great time. I think Nelson is hungover... as usual... and I'm stellar. Can't wait til the game OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

PARAGUAY v. SLOVAKIA!!! PARAGUAY!! PARAGUAY!!

Germany, wtf. USA... You got robbed

Tonight... going out with some rich Paraguayans... we'll see how this goes.
I've been trying to stream the first episode of True Blood, but I'm failing miserably. The internet here is so slow. ~~Could never live here~~~
Jk.

Nigerian Heartbreak, El Tri Victorious... and Pictures

So we went to the Nigeria v. Greece game. I was really rooting for Nigeria in this game, so I'm mildly upset. Not only is Vincent Enyeama an absolutely amazing goalie, (he was still the man of the match) but South Africa has a huuuuge Nigerian population and I was hoping to enjoy a little bit of partying with them. They played a man down most of the game and still came close a few times, but unfortunately, the Greek squeezed by.

And then... only a few hours after I declare my love for Mexico, they stomp France. Straight up stomping right there. I was half asleep the whole time (I'm tired and getting sick) but I was awake to see the goals and hear Cielito Lindo again. I wish I was in Polokwane tonight to celebrate with the Mexiz like I was doin' in the picture below...

and here are a few more pics of the last few days...

The band above was playing at Mama Africa, a really touristy restaurant, but they were awesome.

My outfit a the Italy game. Sadly, I did not make it on TV, but I still have 2 more tries.

A shot of the Paraguay v. Italy game.

The first miracle of Jesus.

A nice pic from the wine tour that we were late for. "Hi, sorry we're late, we're here for Paraguay and they tied Italy last night." -Me

A delicious lunch with the Brits on the tour.

and that's all for now...